Do you ever get stuck or consumed by self doubt?
No matter how comfortable we are in our own skin, chances are we all have those moments.
And that’s completely normal. It’s almost impossible to eradicate our feelings of self-doubt. Building that confidence is a lifelong practice. And it’s not something we can accomplish alone.
I was so happy to have been introduced to Melissa Mills earlier this year. She works globally as a speaker, retreat facilitator, medium and mentor. We had a very open hearted conversation and she helped me shake off a few barriers I had.
When I spoke with Melissa, I was feeling stuck and I needed to get through my barriers. I was focused on my to do lists and not listening to what fills my soul. I wasn’t taking enough moments throughout the day to stop and just be. I was mainly living on auto-pilot and eager to live more in the present but didn’t how to untangle myself out of that rut. I wanted to be more present with my children, husband, family, friends and most of all myself.
Melissa is known for her ‘flip the mindset” method. And she gave me the nudge I needed. You’ll love her honest and insightful interview…
Melissa is offering a special 20% discount for Balancing Act readers with the code ‘balancingact20’ for any of her services. To read more about what she offers, go to https://melissamills.co.nz/services/
Karina: What can we do as mothers do avoid that self-doubt?
Melissa: Self-doubt in my eyes is choosing fear over love. We all have that initial gut reaction or instinct, and then we question it, try to make sense of it, that’s when doubt steps in. That initial gut reaction or instinct that’s your higher self guiding you to what the best outcome or step is for you, and we must learn to trust it, for that is when we choose love over fear.
As mothers we have to understand that our children chose us. Out of all the people in the world, they chose us as the very best option to guide them and allow them to emerge as the individuals they came here to be.
So being yourself and not the kind of mother you think your children want you to be is the first thing I recommend you free yourself from. That mum guilt does not serve anyone.
We also need to realise that we all have self-doubt, and that it’s part of our humanness, and it does serve its purpose for our survival.
The thing with doubt is that we want to acknowledge when it shows up, but we don’t want to give it momentum. When we do give self-doubt momentum, it’s the thing that cripples us, and truly takes away the beauty of life.
Learn to recognise your self-doubt, give it a name and have a conversation with it.
For example “Hi Natalie, I appreciate you showing up in my life and wanting to keep me safe. I love and appreciate you, but right now I’ve got this and I set you free.” Doing this simple technique will really assist you in no longer choosing to occupy the self-doubt, and you’ll be so much more confident and guided by your higher power.
Karina: What can we do to help align ourselves to what is true to us?
Melissa: I always say there will never be another you as there is right now in all of Earth’s existence. You came here to make this world better than how you came into it with your certain skills, talents and abilities that you chose to have.
You are here to bring your own unique way of interpreting unconditional love and sharing that with the world. Now usually this is something you are truly passionate about and comes naturally to you.
Connecting in with yourself is important, and meditation is the key. Even taking time out to breathe while closing your eyes for 5 minutes and listen to your mind and your heart.
You can also journal, setting the intention to your higher self to guide you on how to live your life authentically and on purpose.
Do what feels good to you without feeling you have to justify yourself to anyone. This is the kind of thing I love working on with my clients during a soul alignment session.
Karina: In our initial conversation, you reminded me that as mothers, we tend to not allow ourselves enough joy. Can you explain the importance of including more joy for us in our daily lives?
Melissa: Joy is the highest emotion we can experience, it’s right up there with love, gratitude and abundance.
We need to be aiming for joy, that doesn’t mean we need to be in joy all the time, but we do our best to strive for it. Joy simply means choosing your bliss, what lights you up. It’s important to note that every 17 seconds you are sending your request to the Universe with how you feel, so if you’re feeling sad, you’re sending the request to the universe that you want to keep feeling sad, so getting into the state of joy is really important if we want to live our best lives.
I talk about the hot chocolate with marshmallow moment to help my clients get back into the vibration of joy. Now the hot chocolate with marshmallow can be absolutely anything, it could be a song, it could be a person, it could be a memory, just anything that when you think of it, it instantly makes you feel happy and giddy, you know like a kid at Christmas.
I also like to have the word joy as a visual reminder whether that be on the wall or as my screensaver. You can also do a joy jar in which you can pick from once a month with something that you can do to add more joy in your life. It could be, buying yourself flowers, going to a second hand shop and buying a book etc…
Karina: I keep on reminding myself to not wait until “I’m ready” to do whatever I want to do. Showing up before you’re ready is so important and reminding ourselves that we’re actually worthy of an abundant life. Can you expand more on the fear vs curiosity aspect of our mind?
Melissa: Fear is the robber of your joy and dreams. It is my understanding that fear isn’t real, it’s a human made concept created to keep us disconnected from our magnificence, our power and infinite potential.
Fear is good, like the self-doubt, we want to acknowledge it but not give it momentum. Every single one of you is worthy of having everything you ever dreamed of. In fact it’s your divine right.
You wouldn’t have these wants, dreams and desires if they weren’t yours to have, they simply wouldn’t come into your awareness. One of the best things I have done which has helped me a lot recently is the work of Marisa Peer, and the simple task of writing the words “I am enough” on the mirror at eye level. Since a lot of the time we don’t feel worthy, seeing ourselves as enough transforms all of that self-sabotage and self-doubt that stands in the way of you living your best life.
Karina: As busy mothers, we sometimes loose that connection with our inner voice that knows best and we seek that outer approval and worry too much about “what people will think”. Can you give us tips on how to feel that connection again?
Melissa: The best tip I have is to give yourself the time to meditate. It truly is the answer and key to everything. Meditation to me is about reconnecting with myself. So either meditate 15 minutes to the sound of air conditioning (which you can find on youtube), a guided meditation or a meditation with mantras.
By having a daily meditation practice you will be guided from your own being as to what you can do to reconnect to you.
It honestly doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you, as usually this is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves.
It only matters what you think about yourself, remember “I am enough”. Write out a list of 10-20 affirmations about what you now choose to believe about yourself.
- “I choose to believe that I am loved and appreciated by my family and friends.”
- “I choose to believe that I am worthy of having family holidays every year.”
Read them out everyday and let these statements of worthiness become your new benchmark for life.
Here is to your beautiful unfolding.